When Taking Care of Yourself Feels Wrong

We all love to talk about self-care and what we can do to better love and care for ourselves. But let’s face it. A lot of things get in the way like time, money, work, etc. But there is something else that gets in the way of taking care of ourselves that might not seem as obvious,

And that is a feeling that holds us back, a little sneaky feeling of guilt.

What’s that? That my friend is learned behavior from a current or old relationship where you learned that your needs were either not allowed to come first or worse, not allowed at all.

When we live within a relationship that has this dynamic, it becomes second nature to put our needs last or just stuff them and forget that they even exist. I often ask clients, “What do you need?” And they answer, “I don’t know.”

But we NEED to know what we need. We need to know how to care for ourselves. Because if we don’t, we will have nothing left to give.

This feeling of guilt for caring for oneself is very confusing because no one wants to do something that “feels wrong.”  But this isn’t because you are doing something wrong. It is because if you act or acted on your needs it would put you at risk or in danger within your relationship.

So please remind yourself of this if you are someone that struggles with this feeling of guilt. Every time you feel guilty for self-caring in whatever way you need, that feeling is just the self trying to self-protect. 

You can be kind to that feeling and let it go and do what you need to do, make that boundary, buy that thing, take that trip, take that time, Say NO, whatever it is, do it.  Because in the end, you will have more love to give to those who deserve your love, including yourself.